Challenging Racism Within White Mainstream Yoga Practice and Culture

In the summer of 2017, I had been teaching yoga for a year, and my confidence as a teacher was growing. I felt strong in my asana (physical posture) practice, and I was becoming increasingly comfortable when it came to planning sequences for classes and delivering effective cues. I felt on top of my game. I prided myself on my ability to explain yoga in a way that didn’t seem too “new agey” and that fit into my world of upper middle class Connecticut yogis. I preached phrases like, “We are all the same,” and, “You have everything you could ever need right now in this moment,” and, “Your vibe attracts your tribe.”

Then one day when I was scrolling through Instagram, I came across a post by one of my favorite accounts, Kait Hurley. Though I don’t remember the exact content of the post, I know that it led me to some women of color who were doing the work to educate their followers about anti-racism. It was the first time I had heard that term, but it made sense to me. It’s not enough to “not be racist”; it was my obligation as a white woman to be ANTI-RACIST, to put in work to oppose racism. Before discovering these women of color, an inspiring group of educators and activists, my Instagram feed was full of women who looked mostly like me: thin, white, able-bodied cis-gender women who posted about yoga outfits, holistic skincare rituals, and “clean” eating (which mostly just served to fuel my eating disorder).

After following the women I mentioned before, educators who take to social media, like Rachel Elizabeth Cargle, Layla F. Saad, and Rachel Ricketts, I was impelled to look at myself and examine the ways that I have perpetuated racism in my own life. I honestly didn’t want to do it. It was uncomfortable, and I was in denial. I always considered myself “not racist”, but I don’t think I had ever gone out of my way to try and put myself in the shoes of a person of color (POC) to see how they might experience an interaction differently than me. I was ashamed that that hadn’t occurred to me before. I try that now, but I know I will never truly understand what it’s like to be a POC. As a white instructor of ancient yoga practices who wants to challenge the industry, I want to avoid falling into the “We are all one” trap, which is just like saying, “I don’t see color.” It negates someone else’s different lived experience, and that is the opposite of mindfulness. It’s sweeping huge, systematic issues of racial inequality under the rug. As a white person, I need to do the work to dismantle my own ideas about whiteness, what it means to be an ally, or even better, an accomplice[1]. The antiracism work I’m interested in isn’t just to help POC but is good for everyone’s liberation and wellbeing. One area I’ve been pushing this is through the predominately white world of the U.S. yoga business.

As I’ve been working through all of this, the most pushback I’ve received has come from other liberal, spiritual white women, specifically other yoga practitioners and teachers, who are unwilling to see how their appropriative practices may cause harm. I’ve heard “I don’t get what the problem is with cultural appropriation. We’re all borrowing from everyone.” But as I said in a previous post, “when a dominant culture is cherry picking words from a marginalized one and using them without even knowing their meaning (not to mention without having to experience the racism directed at the people actually OF that culture) it can be hurtful to actual people of that marginalized culture.” For example:

●      White people saying, “Namaste” at the end of every yoga class even though Namaste is actually a greeting, not a closing.

●      White women calling their group of friends a “tribe” and wearing “Tribe” tank tops without understanding or even trying to understand the racism experienced by indigenous people, historically and today, because they are members of federally recognized tribes.

●      White Kundalini yogis wearing turbans while practicing Sikhs are still victims of hate crimes, including murder, almost 20 years after 9/11.

●      White women who wear “Spiritual Gangster” and “Namaslay” tank tops—co-opting and commodifying African American slang—when most refuse to say that #BlackLivesMatter.

These are all examples of harmful cultural appropriation. It’s as if white people are shoving the power imbalance in the faces of POC. “I can take this thing from your culture without understanding it, and no one can do anything to me.” The things that white people take and then commodify are often things that, at some point, POC were stigmatized or oppressed for, like using African American slang, wearing a turban, or practicing yoga.

This isn’t to say that every white person who teaches yoga and has misused the word “tribe” is an evil person; at least, I don’t think I am! Our work, as these white people who’ve made missteps, is to apologize, change our behavior, and use (and give up) our privilege. Many of the spiritual white women I know refuse to apologize for microaggressions towards people of color because they “didn’t mean them”; they were mistakes. They weren’t trying to cause a problem. They accuse the people who they’ve hurt of dwelling on the issues instead of getting over it because the “real yoga” is being able to “let it go” and step away because “we’re all one.” This is called spiritual bypassing, a term coined by psychotherapist, John Welwood, and it’s a form of gaslighting. Denying someone’s lived experience, blaming the victim, and avoiding an apology because you didn’t “intend” harm and insisting that the person you harmed is the one creating conflict is maddening, and it is not yoga. It’s not your intention that matters; it is your impact. It’s not easy to admit you’ve done wrong, but I would argue that letting go of your ego and apologizing is real yoga and will make you a better person in the long run.

I’m hoping I can use my voice to shed light on these issues and direct readers to these brilliant educators, and yes, I may get some argument from my peers or (gasp!) lose followers, but that is nothing compared to the violence, both verbal and even physical, that the POC saying these same things experience. How can you spend your privilege? If you’re a white, turban-wearing Kundalini yogi, maybe you can donate your time and money to your local Sikh temple and educate your white peers about the violence aimed at practitioners of this peaceful religion. Maybe you use your privilege to simply say, “I think the Bride Tribe temporary tattoos are a bad idea for the bachelorette party, and here’s why.” Putting yourself on the line even a little bit is what makes you more of an accomplice instead of just an ally.

I often find myself wondering, “Do I really have any business teaching yoga as a white woman? This practice does not come from my cultural roots.” I’m not sure I know the answer yet, but here are some things I’m doing to try and honor the roots of yoga: I’m listening to people of the South Asian Diaspora and trying to learn from them. Susanna Barkataki’s “Honor, Don’t Appropriate Yoga” summit and the “Yoga is Dead” podcast are great resources. Training and learning only from white teachers who have learned from other white Westerners creates an opportunity for a lot of whitewashing of yoga. I’m asking that my home studio host inclusivity trainings so that all of the teachers and students there can become aware of how we can help POC feel more welcome. I’m learning more about yoga philosophy and meditation instead of focusing primarily on the physical asana practice. Yoga is so much more than exercising!

I am still learning and found this work through another white woman who describes herself as “late to the game.” I am even later. But, I’ve committed to working on myself and encouraging other white people to do the same so that we can help make the world of yoga a safer place for POC. There is always so much to learn as we practice yoga, and just like antiracism work—we’re never done. As teachers and practitioners of yoga, as allies and accomplices against oppression, we are forever students.

Resources

1.     When Feminism is White Supremacy in Heels by Rachel Elizabeth Cargle

2.     Me and White Supremacy by Layla F. Saad

3.     This Racist S*** Won’t Change Until White People Put in the Work by Rachel Ricketts

4.     100 Ways to Support—Not Appropriate From—Native People by Simon Moya-Smith

5.     White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard to Talk to White People About Racism by Dr. Robin DiAngelo

6.     Honor, Don’t Appropriate Yoga Summit by Susanna Barkataki

7.     Yoga is Dead Podcast

[1] A person who fights alongside the oppressed and becomes complicit in a struggle towards liberation

Effort and Non-attachment

Although the yogic ideals of abhyasa (effort) and vairagya (non-attachment) seem to be opposing concepts, I think about both of these at the same time when it comes to parenting as well as practicing yoga. A mom and yogi I admire, Kelley Carboni-Woods, says that “motherhood is a practice,” and this really resonates with me. I am constantly trying to be the best mother I can be, as I am fully devoted to my children. However, sometimes I fall short of my idea of “the perfect mom” and don’t always address issues with my kids they way I wish I had. I’m trying to be gentle with myself, though, and let go of my idea of the perfect mother and feel good for trying my best. Nothing will teach you non-attachment like having kids. I always have to change my plan at the last minute because someone is cranky, hungry, had a giant diaper blowout, or a myriad of other things that can go wrong during the day when you have small children. I always sincerely try with my kids, but I can’t be too attached to the outcome. In the short term, I know I may have to abandon my plans on any given day or apologize later for snapping at my son, and in the long term, I know that I can’t become too attached to my ideas for who they’ll be in the future. They’re going to become their own people, and I have only so much of a say. I’m learning to let go a little bit at a time.

Why I’m No Longer Saying, “Namaste” at the End of Yoga Classes

I honestly don’t remember who first told me that “Namaste” meant, “The light within me sees and honors the light within you,” but I know it was not an Indian person; it was a white, American person, as most of my yoga teachers have been. I am a white, American yoga teacher who has told my students the exact same thing because that’s what I was taught. I’m sure my teachers were taught the same, but in this game of telephone, no one bothered to actually ask a person of the South Asian Diaspora. What?! Over the last year or so (I am late to the game), I’ve been learning from some Indian teachers and other teachers of color, whom I – believe it or not – found on Instagram. Social media isn’t always evil! I was lucky enough to learn from Susanna Barkataki’s “Honor, Don’t Appropriate, Yoga Summit”, and I recently enrolled in Constanza Eliana Chinea’s web series, “Embody Inclusivity” and joined the Facebook group of the same name. I learned a lot through the series and the threads on Facebook and then felt compelled to act.

My favorite interview of the series was with Jesal Parikh and Tejal Patel, creators of the “Yoga is Dead” Podcast. In the interview, Tejal spoke about the use of “Namaste” at the end of yoga classes in the west and the fact that “Namaste” is a greeting, not a closing, and it’s been widely appropriated in the US. A LOT of yoga has been whitewashed in America, and I think it’s so important to honor the Indian roots of the practice. When a dominant culture is cherry picking words from a marginalized one and using them without even knowing their meaning (not to mention without having to experience the racism directed at the people actually OF that culture) it’s hurtful to actual people of that marginalized culture. It’s so incredibly easy for me to make this small change and avoid hurting someone while also making my classes more inclusive to more people in the process. In the end, that’s great for business!

I’ve also read Susanna Barkataki’s thoughts on ending class with Namaste, and she even compiled a free list of 60 alternatives to use to end class. I’m starting to experiment with some of these. I know it may create some confusion at first. In the Embody Inclusivity Facebook group, Jesal commented, “I got that confusion when I stopped saying, ‘Namaste’, and I found that there are a couple strategies for diffusing it. You can try end with ‘om shanti shanti shanti, peace peace peace,’ or sometimes what I do is just say thank you and then afterwards just start chatting with people asking them about how they experienced the class. After a few times with a group, it stops being an issue.” So I’m trying this and finding my way. There is always so much to learn as we practice yoga, and we’re never done. As teachers and practitioners of yoga, we are forever students.

My Morning Smoothie

For a while now, I’ve been on a coffee, banana, and almond milk smoothie kick. It has just the right amount of caffeine to get me going in the morning without overdoing it and messing with my cortisol levels. Since having Sloane, I’ve been extra sensitive to hormonal changes in my body and how they affect my stress levels and anxiety, so I’ve been trying to reduce my caffeine intake (just a bit – I still have two small children) and to make sure that I have my last cup of coffee before noon. That said, this coffee banana smoothie continues to be my favorite breakfast, especially since my three-year-old likes to mix it up for me himself! And to make it even better, Trade matched me with the best coffee for this smoothie: Atomic French Roast. This rich dark roast brings a lot of flavor to the smoothie, even with just a ¼ cup of coffee. Be sure to head over to the Trade site to get matched with your perfect coffee, and use code: emily.haight for 50% off your first bag when you subscribe. Anyway, for the smoothie you need:

· 1 large banana

· 1 ice cube

· ¼ cup of coffee

· ¾ cup of unsweetened almond milk

· 1 tbsp almond butter

· 1 tbsp raw honey or agave nectar

· ¾ cup old fashioned oats

· 2 tbsp chia seeds

Blend all ingredients other than the chia seeds, pour into your favorite glass, top with the chia seeds, and then stir them in, and enjoy!

Sloane Margaret Haight

She’s here! Our second magical child, Sloane, was born on August 27th, and our family truly feels complete. (Never say never though!)

All photos by Victoria Gloria of http://www.mymotherhoodstory.com/

Expecting Baby #2

I haven’t been blogging a lot (or really at all) in the last year, because a ton has been going on in my personal life, both good and bad, but the best news is that we’ll be welcoming a new baby into our family in September! We’re so excited, and I’ve been feeling generally pretty great (or maybe just good) and I’m continuing to teach through August. I hope to see you on your mats, and in the meantime, check out some of our beautiful family photos taken by the lovely, Victoria Gloria, whom I highly recommend if you’re in the Tri-state/New England area!

My Skincare Picks

Self-care is so important, and a lot of the time when we think of living a healthy lifestyle, we think about eating the right foods and exercising. Of course eating healthy foods and staying active are both super important, but so is what we put into the biggest organ in our bodies, our skin. Skincare is often seen as superficial, but it really is a matter of health. Taking care of your skin and being mindful about skincare ingredients is essential. That said, everything “natural” isn’t necessarily good for you, and everything chemical isn’t always harmful. Sometimes it’s hard to navigate through all of the tons of ingredients jammed into every single product, which is why I choose to use products with minimal ingredients that actually each do something positive for your skin, no added fragrances or fillers. It’s possible to find safe AND effective products, and here are some of my favorites.

Tata Harper Regenerating Cleanser - Exfoliating is necessary in any skincare regimen. You can’t moisturize dead skin, so you have to remove it. This cleanser exfoliates with tiny grains of apricot seed shells, but is still gentle enough so as not to create micro-tears in the skin where bacteria can grow. I use this cleanser morning and night.

Tata Harper Resurfacing Mask - I use this mask once a week when I need some extra exfoliating. The natural fruit enzymes go to work breaking down all your dead skin cells. Plus, the mask goes on clear, so you don’t have to worry about looking like a monster if someone happens to ring your doorbell during your skincare routine!

Tata Harper Hydrating Floral Essence - I use this after cleansing as a toner to get anything my cleanser may have missed, but it’s also great for whenever you need an extra spritz of moisture or for setting makeup.

Indie Lee Swiss Apple Facial Serum - Your serum is your most important step in your skincare regimen. It’s the most concentrated product, penetrates the deepest, and does the most work. It’s your problem solver. I have a few dark spots and scarring from old acne that I used to pick at (don’t pick at your skin! Take it from me!), and this serum helps to even out that hyper pigmentation. It also has anti-aging properties, which anyone can really use after the age of 27 as a preventative measure!

Farmaesthetics Eyebright - This eye treatment is a 3-in-1. It removes makeup, softens fine lines and reduces inflammation, and the grapeseed oil helps relax the ocular nerve at the end of a long day when the eyes have been strained.

Alba Botanica Natural Even Advanced Moisturizer with SPF 15 - This lightweight moisturizer hydrates the skin while also providing sun protection. Amassing all of these products can definitely set you back a few bucks, but if you only invest in two skincare products, I would get a serum and a sunscreen!

Herbivore Botanicals Bamboo Charcoal Cleansing Bar Soap - Charcoal draws impurities from deep within your pores for a clean like no other. This bar smells great, too, and works wonders on skin that is blemish prone. It can be used on both your face and body.

RICA Butter All Over - This body moisturizer is SO RICH but still somehow light and fluffy. It absorbs immediately into your skin and doesn’t leave you feeling sticky. I like to put some on the ends of my hair, throw it up in a bun, go to a hot yoga class, and then after I come home and shower, my hair is unbelievably soft. It’s safe to use on baby skin, too!

The Importance of Sleep (For Me)

Obviously, everyone needs sleep. The National Sleep Foundation recommends that adults get 7-9 hours of sleep each night, but as with everything else in a person’s life, the amount of sleep needed varies from person to person. We all have our own individual experiences and need to find out what works best for ourselves. For me, I need at least 8 hours. I always have. When I was little and would have sleepovers at friends’ houses, and we would stay up late, I would always get sick the next day. I would run a fever and be out of commission for a week. As an adult, I’m the same way. If I don’t get a full night’s sleep, I feel just terrible. I’m learning that I really need to make sure that I exercise during the day and that I don’t spend time on my phone or computer right before bed to get my best sleep.

The only exception to my needing this much sleep was when my son (now 14 months) was a newborn. Parents of newborns never sleep, but we had an especially difficult experience because Hank was born a month early, and as a result, he slept all the time because he wasn’t quite ready to be out of the womb, to the point where he wouldn’t wake up if he was hungry. His doctor said that he would literally sleep himself to death if we didn’t set an alarm during the night for every two hours to wake him up and feed him. I felt like I was torturing this poor baby every time we had to wake him. We would strip him down to his diaper and have to run a cold washcloth along his tiny body to jolt him awake because nothing else worked. I would try and nurse him for 15 minutes to a half hour, but he would be too sleepy and weak to latch, so then I would feed him a bottle of pumped milk since it was easier for him to drink from a bottle. Then I would have to burp him, pump again and then wash the bottles and pump pieces, and by the time all of that was done, it was almost time to repeat the whole process again!

For some reason, during this two-month period, I was still okay with barely any sleep. I think my brain and body just new that I couldn’t afford to get sick and shut down because my baby needed me, and I find that so amazing. I definitely want to have another baby eventually, and I’m really scared of many aspects of having two children, lack of sleep included, but I think it’s so cool that when we really need them to, our bodies find strength and step up. This is something I’ve learned through practicing yoga. I’ve learned to be honest with myself about what I need mentally and physically, and I’ve learned that I’m a lot stronger than I think.

Does Yoga Really Help Manage Depression and Anxiety?

Although there are currently many treatments for depression and anxiety disorders available, including psychotherapy and medication, many people continue to suffer from harmful symptoms as well as relapse.  Yoga can be an effective supplemental treatment in addition to antidepressants and therapy because of yoga’s different beneficial limbs.  Specifically, asana (postures and movement), pranayama (breathing techniques), and dhyana (contemplation or meditation) tend to be the most helpful of the eight limbs.  All three of these steps in a yoga practice can be used to cope with depression and anxiety symptoms in different ways.

Both depression and anxiety manifest themselves physically, and the practice of yoga’s asanas, or poses, can alleviate some of these physical symptoms. An anxious person would benefit from calming poses like balasana (child’s pose) or an inversion like sarvangasana (shoulder stand) where the brain is flooded by freshly oxygenated blood, refreshing and calming the brain. Someone who is depressed might curl in on him/herself and have hunched shoulders.  Heart opening postures like backbends or shoulder openers like adho mukha svanasana (downward-facing dog) can counteract this curve in the neck and back.  The physical contact from a teacher’s adjustments can also be very comforting to a depressed person.  A good teacher can read their student’s body language to assess what he or she may need.

Everyone’s yoga practice is personal.  Each pose called out by a teacher is just a suggestion.  No one is made to do anything, and there are modifications for every posture to accommodate various physical abilities.  There is a focus on reaching your own fullest expression of each pose, your own potential.  There is nothing to cure or “fix” as there might be in other forms of treatment.  This approach can be empowering to those who feel helpless or broken.

Imaging studies have shown that yoga can increase dopamine release in the reward system of the brain, as well as an increase in plasma serotonin, melatonin, and gamma-aminobutyric-acid levels. It is thought that these transmitters can promote positive emotions and a feeling of wellbeing, while also decreasing negative emotions. Yoga can also decrease levels of cortisol, which triggers the brain’s stress response.

From a fitness perspective, yoga can also decrease depression because it shifts a patient’s focus to physical sensation. Practitioners of certain types of yoga may lose weight and show an increase in overall physical health, and that, too, alleviates some depression. Yoga can relieve low back pain that is often associated with depression, and it also improves sleep.  Practicing in a studio that has a focus on its community fosters a feeling of connectedness and helps to motivate students, as well. However, the practice of yoga is not purely exercise or gymnastics because there is a meditative focus on the breath.

Many of us in western society are never taught how to breathe.  It’s simply something our body does to keep us alive, and we’re rarely conscious of it.  However, pranayama, or breath exercises, can help us gain control over otherwise overwhelming emotions.  There are different purposes behind each type of pranayama.  For example, slowing the breath lowers the heart rate, which can calm the parasympathetic nervous system and lower blood pressure in those experiencing anxiety.  Whereas as Kapalbhati breath, where one pumps the abdominal muscles, is energizing and invigorating for someone who is depressed.  Focusing on the breath instead of ruminating on negative thoughts is another way to reduce depression symptoms.

Meditation is becoming an increasingly accepted practice in the U.S.  While it may have previously been dismissed as “new-agey”, medical professionals are now turning to mindfulness-based stress reduction as an intervention for depression.  Mindfulness is especially helpful in preventing relapse.  An awareness of one’s own thought process is crucial when attempting to avoid self-harmful habits.  Guided meditation practices that prompt participants to visualize themselves in peaceful, positive situations or that simply offer an alternate perspective on any given situation can be extremely helpful to those experiencing a feeling of hopelessness. Further, mindfulness eventually motivates patients to participate in other meaningful and enjoyable activities.

In yoga there is a focus on non-judging and non-grasping and being content with what you have.  This notion of self-care is known as santosa.  A large part of meditation in yoga is trying to see the truest version of oneself.  Someone with anxiety may be experiencing unrealistic spiraling thoughts, and viewing him/herself as an objective observer can help reality to sink in once more.

Mindfulness skills have been proven to inhibit or ease symptoms of depression.  A study conducted at Brown University in 2010 found that its participants reported significant decreases in symptoms of depression while also exhibiting significant increases in mindfulness after two months practicing vinyasa yoga.  The majority of their participants wanted to continue to practice yoga after the study was completed.

There are several different aspects of yoga that can help to treat anxiety and depression.  The physical activity, breathing exercises, and awareness practiced are especially beneficial.  Whether it be through yoga or not, physical health and self study are necessary to combat mental diseases and disorders that affect so many people in the United States.  Why not cultivate this mind-body connection through a fun yoga practice in a safe, nonjudgmental environment?

My Top Picks from Amour Vert

Amour Vert is my new go to for socially and environmentally conscious style. The site has everything I love from cute summer dresses, to the perfect-fitting jeans, to carryall totes. For every tee they sell, Amour Vert plants a tree in partnership with American Forests, and they’re at 130,000 trees and counting! The company also has a zero-waste philosophy and only uses sustainable fabrics and low-impact dyes. Who out there can’t get behind great style AND great ethics?

1. The Kari Shirt Dress

2. The Lou Silk Dress

3. The Liv Relaxed V-Neck Tee

4. The Charlotte Stone Morley

5. The Small Double Wire Cuff

6. The Brie Cocoon Cardigan

7. The Veja Esplar Silk Sneaker

8. The Exclusive Sophie Crop

9. The Coclico Air Loafer

10. The Baggu Oversize Tote

Outdoor Yoga, Anyone?

The days are getting longer, the markets are full of fresh produce, and your sundresses have finally started to come out of hibernation. Spring has finally sprung, and it’s the perfect time to take your yoga practice outside and into nature. Getting a different perspective and moving out of your comfort zone is important if you ever want to grow in your practice. Here are a few of my outdoor yoga essentials:

• A mat that is at least 6 mm thick incase the ground is a bit uneven.
• A towel for brushing dirt or sand off of your mat.
• Layers! You never know what Mother Nature has in store for you, so come prepared with several pieces that you can take off and put on as needed.  I love this jacket, this hoodie, this top, this bra, and these leggings.
• Protect your body’s largest organ (your skin) by bringing along some sunscreen.  My favorite is this one by Drunk Elephant.  It’s nontoxic, effective, and has anti-aging properties.
• A water bottle.  Hydration is everything!

If you’re in Connecticut, come take class with me every Saturday morning from 7am – 8am at the Clinton Town Beach July 15th – August 19th!

Mindful Meals

Golda Meir said, “Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life.” The second of the eight limbs of yoga is niyama, and niyamas are ways of caring for yourself. One of the niyamas is isvara pranidhana, which focuses on staying humble and surrendering to a higher power. For some people, that means trusting in God, and for others, like me, it means trusting in your own intuition. Surrendering to your gut, that little voice inside that tells you to do or not do a certain thing, is harder than it sounds. We make excuses and deals with ourselves and find reasons to do things that we know aren’t serving us. One of the everyday ways we do this is with our meals. Though I’ve never been diagnosed with a clinical eating disorder, like many women, I’ve exhibited disordered eating behaviors. I would fill up on seltzer so I wouldn’t be hungry at meals. I’d ignore my growling stomach. If I lost a little bit of weight overnight, I would make sure to eat exactly what I ate the day before again so I could lose another pound. I didn’t listen to my body and the signs it was giving me that it wanted more food sometimes, and most of the time, that it wanted better food. Listening to your body and listening to the intellectual part of your brain that knows that vegetables are good for you as opposed to anything with “skinny” or “natural” on the label is the way to be the healthiest version of you.

Pay attention to what you put in your body.  Food is fuel and medicine, and yes, it tastes great! Now, I just like to eat in a way that makes me feel good afterwards, not just in the moment, because I know that what I’m taking in has positive effects on my body, energy, and overall wellbeing. No, I’m not eating a “perfect” healthy diet, and I’m definitely not afraid of fats and sugar, but I try to bring a mindful awareness to my eating and to trust myself.